Wasted Roses
by luvicoffee
Summary: A story about a girl who has suffered from depression and anxiety for 7 years is only living because of her promises to her only two best friends. She lives with a false hope in finding that happiness she has longed for all of her life, but how can she believes the love for a nonexistant character is the key? Was her hope really false after she meets him face to face? ItachixOC
1. Unwelcome

**Hellu there~ This is actually not an OC story, this is my personal life with real people, except of course the except of Itachi. No, I'm not 17-18 yet, but this fan-fiction takes place in the future after I'm done with high school. These are experiences most likely to happen and the things that were said/done in the past is all true.**

**Enjoy.**

**(I do not own Naruto or any character from it. All I own is myself and my friends.)**

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1 – Unwelcome

I am in a car. A taxi to be precise. The sky seemed too dark to me tonight. It gives me the feeling that my thoughts are cloudy and I can't think. All I can really focus on is one thing, but I still refuse to bring that up now. Seven years... And I can't talk about it. I never really could.. Sure I was a fairly open person. I'm open about the absolutely screwed up past with my parents, the assholes at school, and the scars laid out gracefully across my arm – but never _that._ It had been my biggest secret, but since counseling and constant threats to send me to the hospital – contributed from my mother – It had to be spilled. Yes, my two only _real_ friends had known about it, but I wasn't so sure on how much they knew it hurt me.

The only thing I can really be sure at this moment is that I'm actually living. I'm not dead, no. I'm still breathing... And although it hurts, oh so much it hurts, I continue to breathe. Selfishly, I have tried to take my life more than once, but I gave up on that now.

My anxiety-chewed lips have been raw and scarred from the past couple years of high school. I gave up on my appearance in eleventh grade, sick of the whole charade of trying all too hard to be classy compared to all the other self-obsessed girls of my gender. It didn't matter to me anymore, and with that my health gradually got worse. In the grade before that, ninth grade, I coughed up a good dose of blood for the first time. It had been after weeks of constant crying. And when I say constant, I mean everyday. Every _single_ day. Yeah it was at night, but it still happened. And it occurred after sobbing in a probable hope of at least getting a little grasp on my situation. And at the time I had been accused of lying, and this goes into a whole other part of my life – the part where I couldn't stand liars.

Liars to me are the worst kind of people. Humans may be sick today, but liars have to be the worst. I can't believe that if God actually were to be true, why he would make such horrible creatures... I understand that bad always has to balance out the good, but... Would it really be that _bad_ to have good in the world for once? There is no doubt in my mind that bad has been taking over more and more lately. Anyway, back to my health problem.

My health has been deteriorating since then, the night I spat blood into my hand. A couple months later I got a horrible pain in my chest and I had passed out across my bed. When I woke up it had been just two in the morning, and I decided to stay up until I went to bed the next night at three.

The sleep schedule that I never really tried hard to follow has also taken a hit at my health and my appearance. I found myself coughing more, maybe not enough to spit blood, but enough to have my chest heaving. I also couldn't run in gym. By the time I did one lap I was gasping and choking for air. The gym teachers had only asked once if I was okay and I skipped gym ever since. In the next two years I had to go back to the hospital because I couldn't _stop_ choking up blood.

I got out of the taxi a while back when I was lost in thoughts, I stopped outside a food store that my stomach growled once for but I pushed it back. That's another issue I'll get into later.

As I walked down the busy streets of New York City, I wondered to myself what brought up that "self-pity shit" past. So my parents had called it whenever I cried. _Oh yeah... _That_thought brought it up..._ I shook my head free of the thoughts of him and his face. _No, I'm not going there just yet..._I mean. Who wants to see a girl with sunken in cheeks and scarred lips just crying while walking down the sidewalk so nonchalantly? No one, because they don't care. I mean, everyone has their own agendas right? No one has the time to care, or at least bother with anyone else. But this is where I officially separate myself from humanity, I do not care about myself and anyone could obviously see that on my face. I observe from a distance, and with this I _have _noticed, for a fact, that people don't care. If I still had the people that I used to love back in my life, I'm sure I wouldn't just care about me. I had always helped them in the past while they tried to help me... I just sighed and told them not to, because I could do it myself. I was so wrong... And now they have gone off to college. And this is why I'm alone once again..

Life can do terrible things.

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**Sorry I was so serious up there o3o you know when I was introducing this~ But yeah... And usually the chapters for this are VERY short so usually I'll be updating doubles. I wanna see how many people actually like this~ Also, if you're into Death Note, check out my BB fan-fic with a ****_real_**** OC xD**

**Review for the awkward first chapter? Make it feel some loves?**


	2. Headache

**Ah~ here is the second chapter to accompany the first to get this story rolling~**

**Please enjoy the depressions of life!~ (not really D: that would be horrible)**

P.S. Minor swearing in this chapter~

I like squiggles~~~~~~~~~~~

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2 – Headache

Last night I went to sleep relatively early for me. One in the morning is my new record. I woke up at six to watch the sun rise. _Three more hours then normal... _I assumed it was because I did after all take another trip from the doctor's after getting my prescription for my breathing problems. I opened my eyes and sat up numbly in the dark. I opened the curtains to reveal the cityscape from my apartment, the sun peeking up over the buildings in the distance. Just how I liked having the sun rise in the morning. It gave me some sense of joy.

I walked to the small bathroom and looked in the cracked mirror. I still remember just two weeks or so ago when I slammed my fist against it in a sobbing session and glass jabbed into the flesh of my hand. Peering down slightly at the long, messy scab on my hand I had the urge to itch and scratch at it. I resisted and decided to continue contemplating my lanky figure.

From my self-restricted eating, all the chubbiness I had as a young teenager disappeared and I had gotten skinnier later on. Since I was tall (5 foot 9 inches to be exact), the skinnier I got the more disturbing it seemed to me. Sure I really did I hate the fat, but I never knew the pale complexion and slumped over being could make it look so... Unnatural. I wasn't used to it. The darkening underside of my eyes had gotten worse too, even though my eyes weren't the type to just sag down, they just left dark marks for the past years I couldn't sleep. And to be honest... I either looked like a druggy, a really ugly homeless person, or a depressed (sleep-deprived) freak. And maybe that's what I've become now, but like I had mentioned earlier, it didn't matter.

Some days I tried to make myself look better. For example, I tried to push on black eyeliner onto my top lids.. It didn't do much. My eyes held emptiness. Well, that's all I could see. When I was younger I thought my eyes were beautiful. Filled with green whenever I cried, blue whenever I got furious, and pure gold whenever I was happy or completely and hopelessly in love with him...

_No. Stop it now._

I turned abruptly out of my bathroom and saw twenty-six new messages and forty-two calls on my phone. It was banged up from constant furious smacks across the floor. I guess this is what I get for not answering it for two weeks. Sighing, I decided to just give in and look through the messages. Most were from Sarah and the rest from Natalie. My two best and only friends I could ever hang onto. Sarah has gone to UB, a college in Buffalo, and Natalie has gone to one I couldn't exactly remember at this time. I only remembered UB because I was planning on going to it before I realized it didn't have a good art program that I didn't exactly want just yet.

Sarah had been my girlfriend all throughout high school and a little of middle school, and she still kind of is now, even if I'm all the way across the state. She knows she'll never be the true one for my heart, but we're still determined to stick together until death. Now that I think about it I kind of miss her... I was wondering where my feelings went.

Natalie. She has been my best friend since second grade. She as well as Sarah both stuck with me through my suicide attempts and evidently convinced me not to. They meant the world to me, and now that I see how far away from them I am, my brain naturally starts to formulate plans on how to meet them. I find it kind of amazing how they have breaks through all the work they have to put up with in college, but they are _my_ friends after all. They'd do anything for me if I asked.. Even though I don't. I send both of them texts that I miss them and that I'm fine and I haven't done anything rash since the last time I texted. _I wonder what they would think of my appearance now..._

I reached for the bottle of medicine prescribed to me for my breathing and heart problems and took the amount I was directed. A silent thought probed at the back of my head and disappeared as soon as it entered. Another thought of just chugging the whole bottle all at once. Of course I was slightly displeased with how it came so easily but glad it went just the same. I slammed the bottle down with a little too much force as I felt the disgusting taste of left over medicine on my tongue. Ew. I eventually just ignored it and plopped myself back down on the bed.

_"__Take it easy from now on okay? We don't want any more attacks like that,"_ Patty had told me in that professional tone. I had no choice but to smile a bit. When have I ever not been 'taking it easy'? All I did was sit in bed all day or take walks to places and concentrate on people to keep my mind off of things. _Things such as him..._.

I grimaced. This is not what I wanted. Somewhere, my brain would not stop circling that little topic I hated and never wanted to touch anymore. It hurt too much to even have thoughts like that. My heart skipped a bit as a memory of his face passed through my memories like it was just stopping by, in time to bring on a wave of pressure down against my chest. I breathed steadily, trying oh so hard not to lose it again. He _had_ been that very damn cause of depression all those seven years ago, and it never left. My mother said my 'crush' on him would leave when I grew older._And you used to say I'd thank you and say to myself 'she really was right' ...Are you kidding me? Where the hell are you now?_

Words from the past surfaced and silent "I love you"'s escaped from my dry, mutilated lips. Soft, warm tears started to tumble down the side of my face. It felt nice to be honest.. I haven't cried in awhile. The tiny, meaningless words weren't directed to my mother. I _hated _her... I don't even consider her my parent. I couldn't. She's still married to my 'step-father' and because of this, I will never think of her as such.

No... These words are for _him_. And only him.

_Cut the shit, Sam..._ I told myself and I wiped helplessly at my eyes already feeling the sobs starting to rise in my chest. I breathed out slowly and gently, as if not wanting to damage anything else that I already haven't in my body somehow. I could feel a dull ache start in the middle of my forehead and cursed under my breath. I lied there in bed for the rest of the day – or so it seemed – until I got a text from someone who I wouldn't know until maybe another week or so. I could never be sure on anything anymore.

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**ewe so how's it going~? Yeahhhhh it's kinda cliche right now xD It will always be. Blah. Now I'm questioning why I even put this crap up e3e Don't worry, Itachi will come in soon~ Actually next chapter!**

**Review for the crappy story~? Make it get some love because it certainly doesn't get any from me 3**


	3. Similarities

**And now we get to meet Itachi~! Nyan~~~~  
Please enjoy as always!**

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3 – Similarities

After the endless hours of just staring at the ceiling and not thinking about anything in particular, I decided to get up. The alarm clock I didn't exactly need anymore had shown a blurry display of red numbers. Reaching for my glasses I frowned. I hated my glasses. They just weren't me and honestly, I don't believe any form of vision correcter would. Anyway, back to time.

It was eight o'clock at night and it was starting to get dark along the months of fall. I threw on a coat and my old, dirty converse on my feet without socks and stepped out of the apartment. Maybe I'd get a coffee or something, and make sure it's extra sweet. Like how I always used to get it.

Walking down the sidewalk I could feel the brisk air sting at my cheeks, eyes, and ears. I sighed. I didn't want it to get cold out anymore than it already is... I hated winter, and I always will.

_Because the snow represents death after all, Sam..._

I can't stand death. I may have lived seven years in hell, but death is one thing that will always bring me to my knees and leave me choking on my anxiety-infused tears. It was as if death has followed me for all those years, and it _has_. All because _he _died...

This '_he'_ I speak of isn't real. He never was. No matter how hard I wish, no matter how much I loved, no matter how much I _cried,_ my only wish would not come true. I understand that now. I'm just too numb for it to fully effect me if I can't feel any emotions at the time. I have been numb for months, I wasn't so sure on what happened last night... It was most likely brought on by the idiotic thoughts of my mother.

How can I be so in love with someone if they don't exist, you ask? It's not all that easy to explain exactly. It just seemed to happen one day, and I got gradually depressed after it. This happened in seventh grade but I never knew it at the time, and I figured it out in eighth grade and that's where my first year of hell began. Like I said, he started it but my miserable excuse of a life wasn't all because of him. I'd never blame him for such things... In fact, if he was alive right now, I'd drop all the depressed and anxiety shit and most likely be happy for as long as he's alive.. I'd do anything to have him here.

Dammit I'm getting off topic again.

Well any-who, I get it that he's not real, and never will he be. Ever. All he will ever be to people who don't understand is just a character – a _pawn_ – of someone else's mind. But I fell in love with the true version of the character. Like, as if he was real, then he would be an amazing person.. This is where my mother didn't get it. She told me right after I was finished crying that I can't see reality – that I'm numb to it.

_"__No mother, you're the one who can't see reality. You can't see how the people around me shoot me glances at me as if they were bullets. You can't _see_ how much you hurt me with your words. You will never see the way I can see the world. It's rotten, filled with corruption and abuse to humanity. Humans are not meant to be like this."_

Afterwords she had slapped me. It didn't hurt compared to the messy gashes I had contributed earlier onto my arm, now just white faded scars mixed with about eighty more. Of course I could remember that night clearly even if it was mixed many more nights like it. I mean, she has insulted my love and passion on this same night, and after that I couldn't bring myself to forgive her. Why should I if she would just do that so easily? I would never give a shit if she called me names like 'monster' and 'brat' but when it came to 'stupid cartoon' directed towards _him_ I had no part of it and I'd either hang up the phone or walk away.

I hadn't noticed the hand that was handing me my coffee before I snapped back to the little reality of this world. I muttered apologetic words as I payed the man his money and walked out the door. I hadn't left the hate glances unnoticed as I walked back onto the sidewalk. I just decided to glare back.

Like the idiot that I am, I bumped into a man. I cursed in a single breath and ducked my head down. Hadn't I _just_ scolded myself not to space out while I walked? "I'm sorry.. I really am." I blushed softly at the smell that emanated off his clothing. It smelled so nice...

"Oh no really, it's fine," he chuckled softly with a voice that made me shiver. "I wasn't looking where I was going." That voice... It was deep, but smooth and oddly it left me with feeling of sadness... I remained quite, I couldn't walk.

"Well, have a nice night," I could sense a smile play in his voice. He walked inside the coffee shop as I continued to loiter there. I blinked a few times then headed home to my apartment.

That night I cried harder than I should have.

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**Hmmm~ How did you like it this time?~**

**Please tell me if I should continue or just end this horrible thing, Review?**


	4. Weakness

**Welcome whoever happens to be reading this~ I hope you're enjoying it so far... But it gets better if you arn't enjoying it, I promise!**

**However, if you ****_are_**** enjoying this then well, enjoy!**

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4 – Weakness

I had a dream last night. A real one that I could actually remember. Since everyone dreamed, I'm sure I do but since I never remember them I just assume I don't have any. But last night I did. After I cried myself to sleep from around the time of three and four, I dreamed about my past, all the way up to when I woke up at nine. Three more hours than normal...

What I had dreamnt about in my past was him. I'm sure this was most probably brought on by the shared similarities between the stranger I met last night and him. If I could remember his voice correctly, they were both the same.

When I was younger, in my earlier teenage years, I used to sleep with his cloak. It was for cosplay purposes, but whenever I had anxiety attacks or sobbing breakdowns, I cuddled it. I cried into it, whispered sweet words into it after I was done, and eventually fell asleep with it. That was one way of falling asleep, having the comfort of false safeness clutched to my chest as I drifted off into my dreams. Another way of course was having someone with me, but accompanied by my mother, that rarely happened.

Later on, I had to return the cloak to its rightful owner, which had been Sarah. I apologized immensely for the fact that it was so wrinkled and had the red print inside the clouds peeling off, she accepted it and told me that I had needed it (and still probably do) and that it was understandable. I still apologized.

Just as my thoughts started to dig deeper, my stomach made the smallest rumble, as if it were scared to ask me for food. I haven't eaten in about two to three days now... I should probably do something about that.

I turned over to look at the clock, noticing the still-full coffee I hadn't taken a drink of at all that was now most likely cold. It was ten. I took my prescription needed and got up. I never took them with water and I used to be proud of it when I was younger, like the prideful little queen that I was. Now, I just didn't care. I stumbled out of bed and changed for the day. Black, black, and more black. Well, except for my grey, oversized hoodie. As I walked downstairs I remembered that I hadn't checked the mail in about a month.

I down to the corridor that branched off to other different apartments and checked the box that held my mail. An overdue notice to pay for my monthly rent and a letter from my parents. I opened it to reveal the money they sent every month. At least that's one good thing they've done so far... I'm grateful. Although it wasn't much, it still payed for my rent and a little food. I walked back inside.

My stomach growled again, more urgent for food. I sighed and gave in, stepping into my boots and headed for the closest bus stop. It started to get colder out, making me frown and shiver slightly as I waiting for the bus. Girls still wearing 'clothes' that were way too revealing for my taste, regardless of my larger bra size, stood clustered in a group. I could feel stares and hear their now hushed whispers. I remembered now that I had an iPod I had left in this hoodie and blocked them out. If I look bad and strung out of a variety of drugs, it didn't matter to me. I gave up on the paranoia when I realized it didn't benefit my condition that I was in at high school.

The bus came around and the girls hurried onto the bus, sure to leave me there in the bitterness for the few moments they could drag out and scooted together in the back. Oh goodie, I get to relive high school again.

I sat in the middle, more towards the front. That didn't stop the obnoxious laughter that erupted from the back as a joke rang out, surely directed towards my appearance. I felt an empty bottle of mascara smack across the back of my head and hit the floor next to my feet. This is why I don't come outside anymore. Instead of beating the crap out of them, like I did to the twelfth grade boys when I was in eleventh grade, I stared out the window trying to curl into myself. It was cloudy, but not the bright type of clouds. I tried to smile, but something more along the lines of pursing my lips and frowning came out instead. _Have I really forgotten how to smile already?_ Anyway, I attempted to smile because this was my favorite type of weather. Well, not exactly. I liked rain more than anything, but still. Dusty, dark clouds were nice too. They showed the signs of rain, ultimately giving me the slightest amount of joy I haven't felt in awhile.

The girls in the back had finally stopped throwing cosmetic products at the back of my head and decided to get into a heated debate on one of the member's new boyfriend. My stop came, and I got off. I walked down the sidewalk staring at the ground for awhile. It wasn't long before I bumped into someone while I was digging through thoughts of bad weather.

_Okay, I'm seriously going to kill someone if I keep doing this..._ I growled to myself as I stumbled backwards and held my hand to my head. _Okay dizzy.. Very dizzy..._

"Oh god, why do I keep doing this? I'm so sorry this is the second time in a row- ..wait... I think... I met you.. before..."

I tried to focus my blurred eyesight on the ground and shook my head. _This person knows me...? God this is bad isn't it... _I blinked and held my hand to my head, "What did I do now...?"

"What? I don't think you did anything bad that I'm aware of. I mean I just met you yesterday... and we bumped into each other again so it seems."

I stood still. That voice. I looked up at the man very cautiously and slowly.

When my eyes met his, I couldn't believe it. I _wouldn't_ believe it.

It was him_._

I have sworn to myself to never do the next thing I was about to do in public. It was embarrassing and it showed my weakness to people other than myself. I promised myself and everyone that I would never do what I just did.

I started to cry.

And it started to rain.

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**Just a little sad~ But that ****_is_**** what I would do xD because yeah~**

Review for sad chappy..? (The next one is only sadder..!)


	5. Itachi

**What an amazing name for a chapter huh? xD Today I decided to upload 4 along with this because right now I am on chapter 9 in real life, and I at least want to be a little caught up to what I'm writing now with what I post... So here 3 Please enjoy this one, it's actually longer than the others for once~ ****I highly advice you to prepare your feels.**

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5 – Itachi

I felt bad for him, I really did. Imagine being a guy, thinking about your own life problems, probably even your beautiful girlfriend, when a girl that looks like druggy rams into you and starts to cry when she looks at your face? Yeah, I can understand why most would get the feeling of disgust. He decided to take another root and be kind instead.

Of course he would. He is _him _after all.

He blinked and extended his hand slightly, surprise and uncertainly shown on his perfect face. "Ah? What did I do..? Did I say something I wasn't suppose to...?"

I couldn't answer. It felt like the tears were closing off my throat, suffocating me. How was I suppose to tell him that I've been in love with him for the majority of my life? Certainly then he'd give up on being so kind to me and just awkwardly walk away like most... But I knew he wouldn't, right? Wasn't I suppose to know how he would act...?

"Look, it's raining... Why don't we go somewhere where it's dry? I know you were probably raised to never trust strangers like most... But I hold sympathy for you.. Please come with me?"

All I could do was nod. I was sobbing now, and his face started to blur. I started to panick. Because of the fog in my eyes from the tears, it was as if he was disappearing, right after I finally meet him, after seven years of near searching. I can't lose him now.

I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, with my face buried into his jacket. I held him so close, it felt like I was almost strangling him. His hesitation towards my unexpected actions was clear, but he gave in and gave me a soft hug. "I'll take that as a yes..." He pulled up the hood over my damp hair and gently unlatched my arms from around his neck. I looked up.

He was still here. Alive and breathing... I was almost convinced this was a dream, but the sting of the rain on my cheeks were real. I cried harder, resulting in me trying to stop it by biting my lip. It just so happens that I bit a newer scab, so warm blood trickled down my colder chin.

His eyebrows rose up sadness, "I don't even know who you are... And yet.. I have the urge to find out. Come on, the rain's starting to soak through your hood."

I finally found my voice, "But I don't c-care..." It was quiet and hoarse.

Sighing, he grabbed my wrist gently and lead me down sidewalks past others who only stared with umbrellas over their heads. I was crying again, but I had managed to quiet down. I didn't want to embarrass him. I hadn't noticed that we were at a bus stop with an arch that protected us from the rain until he sat me down.

In a gentle voice he asked, "Will you tell me why you're crying? We have only met once and even then you didn't look at me... And you have this time, resulting in you bursting into tears..."

I remained quiet, tears still softly falling down my soaked face. I stared at my hands.

"...Alright I guess this wasn't the best time to ask that yet.." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "To make up for it, I only recognized you from the last time we bumped into each other was the hair... It's um..." – insert swallow – "..Beautiful."

"Don't lie," my breath hitched, bringing on another set of tears and me wiping frantically at them. "My hair is ugly and greasy because I haven't taken a shower in like a week or something..."

"But... I wouldn't lie," He took a long curl of brown in his hand. "I love curly hair."

That, is something I would've never known about him. I sunk down with my elbows on my knees and cried into my hands. _This isn't real..._

He decided to sit down beside me and curl my hunched over form into his chest. He even waited until I stopped crying so hard to ask me again, "Why are you crying...?"

I looked over his face as much as I could, just in case this was a dream. His amazing long bangs that hung to the side of his face, the creases under his eyes, his lips... Then eventually his eyes. I blinked, causing more tears to fall. His eyes were so beautiful, like always. But now in this twisted reality, they were... Amazing. I had noticed that his gaze shifted from my face to my neck.

"That... necklace..." His eyes widened ever so slightly.

I gasped and gripped it tightly. I reached up with my shaky hand to unzip a little bit of his jacket to reveal the very same one. The same one that was around my neck.

His eyes softened, "..I want to know who you are."

I turned my head down and closed my eyes as the last little bit of my tears escaped the sides of my face. I took a short breath, "I will only tell you if you believe every part of it." I looked up to see the reflection of my eyes in his. They were now a deep green.

He nodded, "I doubt such a person would lie to someone that they seem to have known for a long time... And if you really are going to tell me, I think we should get out of the rain and public, because it is most likely personal." He stood up.

I could tell now, at this moment, that he understood most of my story already. I stood as well but with shaky legs, "I have an apartment not far from here... At least I'm sure if we take the bus... A-And we are at the bus stop." He nodded, "Alright.. That sounds good." He gave a soft smile that made my heart melt. Eventually the bus came and we stepped on.

Here, my life starts to turn around. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to call him by his name even in the safety of my thoughts.

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**You know what I like to do while writing this story? Waiting until it's 1 in the morning to go on rainymood -the website-, play a sad song with piano, and just write. And this is what I come up with.**

**Review for feels?**


	6. Polite

**Ah, happierness~**

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6 – Polite

I kicked off my boots by the front door. Walking into the corridor connecting the kitchen and living room, I slid off my coat onto the table and so did he. I turned to him. I have totally forgotten how to be polite by now so I had to recall memories from the past. Ah, yes. A tour of the house? Or would that be creepy? "Um... Would you like me to get right to the whole long seven years of my self-pitiful life or would you like to see what I live in with no job or friends or family?"

He sighed. Did I upset him...? "I don't believe you have a self-pitying life... By the look in your eyes I can tell you've been hurt some how some way... Maybe you have been for awhile...?" I immediately looked down. How could someone just bring back all of my self consciousness in a second after years of not caring at all? _He is the man you've been in love with since 2010, Sam..._

"Well, I um... It's not much here in this house... All you will see is needs for everyday life except food in the fridge and pill bottles everywhere..." I said looking back to him.

His eyebrows raised. "Wait.. That came out wrong. I'm not a druggy, no matter how much I look like it. I meant prescription pills, f-for my breathing problems..." I stuttered and tried to come up with honest reasons.

"It's fine, calm down a bit... I understand. And breathing problems? I guess this is a good place to start, don't you think?" He slipped off his own coat onto a chair.

I head to the couch and sit down, with him beside me at a reasonable distance. I sighed, "I guess, although I was just assigned them months ago... And I _do_ have seven years to explain here."

He at my fiddling hands, "That is a bit long..."

"Maybe you could ask questions..?"

"Sure," He smiled slightly and got a little bit more serious. "...How do you have the same necklace as me?" He was eying the necklace, I could feel it as I had looked down at the cheap fabric of the couch cushions.

I swallowed, "...Because I-I... Have known you for awhile.. and I..." _No, I can't tell him. If I tell him, he'll think I'm a freak if he doesn't already... "_I- uh.. I like your necklace..."

"Alright.. And how do you know me? And since when?"  
I closed my eyes and breathed out steadily, "I've known you since 2010, when I was in sixth grade. I'm now one year out of high school."

A smiled danced in his speech, "So am I."

"Anyway... I know you because.. You're not suppose to be here," I looked at him gently. "You are a fictional character from a Japanese anime, and you were my favorite character."

He was silent for awhile, looking down at the spot that I had been looking at. I started to wonder what he was thinking about until he spoke. "Prove that to me... I was born here in this world, I can assure you. I'm not saying that I don't believe you.. I just need to see it. I'm sure you can relate," He looked up just as I stood from the couch and walked in my room. I dug through boxes I haven't unpacked ever since I moved in because I just didn't have the motivation. I came back out with a medium size box I could carry. I sat back down and took out the first thing I found. Even I was surprised with the discovery.

It was the cloak. The one I had spent my teenager-hood crying on and cuddling in my sleep with. Now that I think back, before I moved, Sarah and Natalie both helped me pack.

I wiped at little new forming tears in my eyes with the backs of my hands and set the precious cosplay article on the floor. He eyed it with interest. _Does he not know what that is...?_ I pulled out the next thing which was an overstuffed paper folder. My eyes softened. I opened it to reveal all the many drawings I have ever drawn of him and handed the evidence to said man. He flipped through them with care, looking at each one closely. The majority of them was him drawn with me. Well, the past me. Others were of him in his death scene, and the others just magnificently drawn profiles of him. The other half of what was in that folder was in the one I now held in my hand. I opened it, and handed that to him when he was done.

This folder consisted of his necklace. From pastel, to paint, to pen, to pencil – any material that was thought of at the time – was in here. In the very version of our necklaces. He fingered through these extra carefully.

Afterwords, I started to pull out the posters. Most of them I had was him and his brother, the one I hated so much because he killed the man in front of me in the anime... I stuffed those away hastily after showing him. Then I unraveled the life size one that Natalie had gotten me one Christmas that used to hang up behind my door. He only studied it with his eyes. He didn't stare oddly as if it were creepy that I have a _life size_ poster of him. After all I did explain that he _was_ my favorite character.

"...I only have two questions now after that," He asked after I put the box back away in the closet.

"Okay.." I sat back on the couch and looked at him hesitantly.

"First, why is half the pictures of me in that black cloak with the red clouds?"

"Oh, in the show you belonged to an organization that wore them. That organization was called the Akatsuki, and it strived for peace by capturing spirits inside people and using it to create a war to end all wars or something..? I'm sure I got the last part wrong. I'm not so sure on that part... But I know you didn't think it was all too right. You were a pacifist... _Are_ you a pacifist?"

He smiled, "Yeah I am.. Alright question two... Why were most of the pictures you drawn of me with you?"

I blinked and I felt my face heat up, I tried to refute it. "Umm... Because y-you were my favorite character so..."

He raised an eyebrow, "But... There were drawings of us sleeping next to each other. Some even cuddling."

I shook my head, feeling the flush on my cheeks. "Would you like something to drink..?"

"No I'm good... And if you won't answer that then I guess I'll ask more, but about you.. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, I'm usually open about my past and present."

"Why are you prescribed medication for breathing problems?"  
"Oh that... It's not just breathing, it's also for heart problems. I've been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety seven years ago, and ever since then my health has declined. Well technically after I coughed up blood in ninth grade... But you get it."

His eyes widened, "You coughed up blood..? That's... horrible..."  
I shrugged, "After that I only do it if I cough really hard like that time. I developed the breathing problems in eleventh grade. I found out during gym because I couldn't run. Not because I was fat or anything at the time... Well I was in ninth and tenth grade... But I lost weight after not eating, and to be honest I haven't eating in days now... But anyway, I couldn't even run one lap because I was gasping for air and coughing. I skipped gym ever since then."

He looked confused now, "Why did you starve yourself..?"  
I sighed. The only thing I hated now besides the world was repeating my life over and over. "Because like I said, I was chubby in ninth in tenth grade. I don't find myself hungry anymore... Well. Now I do because I haven't eaten in a while..." This is the most I have ever talked in a long time. It's scaring me.

"Well would you like to get something to eat..? It is lunch time now, and I'll even pay," He offered kindly. I considered it.

"One thing you wanna learn about me besides my unhealthy obsession with liars is that I _hate_ spending other peoples money," I offered a broken smile.

He waved it off, "Come now, I was raised a gentlemen, I will act as such."

My smile that I haven't felt in years dared to poke through even more. _Is this the happiness I've been searching for... all of my life..? It has to be..._ I looked over to him as we stood and put on the essentials of heading back outside.

_It has to be... I've been of dreaming of standing next to him forever._

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**I only just realized now that I'm acting like a mary-sue... darnit xD review anyway?**


	7. Favorite

**Ahhh this chapter~ Yay for the slight mary-sue ish? Oh whatever xD Deal with it damnit.**

Enjoy! (owo)/

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7 – Favorite

It rained as we walked down the sidewalk, and that itself gave me joy. Even though just being beside Itachi, the man I've loved for years, was enough to give me that happiness I've longer for since... The beginning of my life. And.. It was here. Standing next beside me, living. Breathing.

I looked up at him while the rain covered both of us. He looked down at me and offered a small friendly smile. _How could he be so nice to a complete stranger that seems like they've stalked him for like his whole life..?_ I looked back down at the rain soaked sidewalk. Maybe I shouldn't be getting my hopes up yet. What if he was just staying here, with a girlfriend. I frowned. Maybe he was going to leave soon, that's probably why he's so nice now...

"Now that I think about it..." He started. "I never caught your name. I mean, you must obviously know mine... So care to share yours?"

"Oh.. it's um Samantha... Samantha Krause," I trusted him with my name fully, I would always if I were to have the chance in the future.

"Samantha... That's such a pretty name." The way he said that made my heart flutter. "Do you go by a nickname?"

"I used to, I um... I wouldn't let anyone call me by my full first name, actually..." I laughed quietly. It was hoarse, and it came as a surprise I haven't laughed in months... "It doesn't matter to me anymore though. My mother actually planned on naming me Melody, but my aunt said otherwise. And when it came down to write my name on the birth certificate, they just went with Samantha."

He chuckled softly, "I'd have to agree with your aunt... You don't look like a Melody."

"Yeah, that's what I always tell people... I used to hate my name."

"Why? I think it's elegant... And that last name must be... ahh, German right? I can't remember the English word for it though..."

I smiled, "It means curly hair.."

"That would make sense after all," He said, smiling back. _Is he purposefully trying to give my heart palpitations?_

"Oh well... Ha ha I hate my hair.." I started at a long curl that hung past my breast. "It's a pain to deal with..."

"Do you hate everything about yourself or something? Because everything you seem to hate is something that I find is worth being proud for."

I paused. I _did_ hate myself. If I didn't, then what would be the purpose of slicing into my arms immensely all those years ago?

"..Did I upset you...? I'm sincerely sorry if I did... my dearest apologies.. But we are here." Ah that's right, we agreed on Tim Horton's earlier on, at the same place we first met but without knowing it.

"N-no you didn't..." _You couldn't... _"I was just lost in thoughts."

"Okay if you say so," he held the door open for me as I tried wrestling with the extremely damp curls that made up my thick hair.

"What would you like?" He stood in front of me, leaning down ever so slightly to become the same height as I.

"Uhh... Uh..." My face flushed as I tried to keep my mind on track while we stood face to face. "Uhmm.. A triple cream, triple sugar caffeinated small coffee please...?" I managed to squeak out.

His head tilted, "Would you like anything to eat?"

I thought for a minute and answered with a double chocolate donut.

"That's my favorite," He smiled and we headed up to the counter. He said our orders, but I didn't pay attention. My mind was focused on the man behind the register who kept looking at me. It was the same guy from the day I bumped into Itachi, the day where I had been completely lost in thoughts. I tried to decipher his expression, whether it was between irritation or disgust. I sighed.

After we got what we ordered, we decided to head back outside but under shelter to protect our heads from the rain. We leaned against the wall of the building and ate our donuts in peace.

"I'm starting to like it here... It's been raining ever since I got here, and I love the rain," He said, taking a sip of his own coffee. "I'm also starting to like the people here... They're nice." He glanced at me and smiled.

Shaking my head and finishing off my donut, I replied, "I'm still not the person I seem to be. I have mental problems." I swallowed, "Also, how could you just like someone who comes off to be an absolute stalker with life sized posters of you in their room?"

He laughed lightly, "Well, I must say that was a little odd, but the whole 'being a character' was weird in itself. It doesn't make sense..." He breathed in the brisk air. "I have so many questions now that you have me interested..."

"Like what?"

"Hmm.. Like how _I'm _your favorite 'character' and all... What is so special about me in that show?"

I held my coffee silently. It felt nice to have food in my stomach. When I answered I tried to give the best possibly reason I could, "Well... I don't technically know. You were you. Maybe the wise quotes you gave off made me envy you all the more, but I know that isn't what sealed the deal... To be honest, I really don't know. I'm sorry."

He was silent for only a second as thoughts turned over each other, "Don't be sorry, it gives me a bit of satisfaction to know someone favors me over a whole cast of characters when I'm right here in real life, probably not as good as the show me." He went to go throw out the garbage from our little donut wrappers and headed back to his same respected place of leaning against the wall. "And if I didn't know any better, I'd say by the way you just worded things it's as if you're in love with me."

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**Ohhhhh~ Such a smart weasel, isn't he? Yerp.**

**Review if you're weird like me~~~**


	8. Smile

**WELP here's another chapter~ sorry for my suckey writing but you know~ my hobby doesn't exactly rest in writing.**

**OH WELL.**

**ENJOY**

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8 – Smile

I know he meant it jokingly. It was clear as day. But that would never stop the upcoming blush that rose high up in my cheeks. I immediately tried finishing the last bit of my coffee unsuccessfully, resulting in a coughing fit. I doubled over after a few coughs, my chest started to sting and ache, which brought on more reeling intakes of air and chokes. Meanwhile Itachi had been trying to help me in any which way he could. He tried patting my back once, which only made it worse. The poor guy... I felt bad since he probably never had to deal with this before. After the choking and coughs started to settle down more, I took my hand from my mouth and noticed the little blood splotches. Of course Itachi had noticed as well.

"You weren't kidding... I know you wouldn't but, it seems unreal... Everything about you seems unreal," He said quietly after the coughs were forcefully pushed back and halted by my doing.

"I guess the pills have to take a bit to kick in..." I held my hand to my head. It hurt like hell and it had a horrible pounding sensation right smack in the middle of it.

"Are you okay now...?" He took a napkin from the Tim Horton's bag and wiped my hand with it.

I nodded a yes and threw the napkin out myself, embarrassed about my unhealthy condition. I didn't want him to see this, what a great impression... Although it probably doesn't top me sobbing in his shirt this morning. _Was it really this morning...? It feels like it's been forever..._

"I still barely know you, yet it feels like I've known you for my whole life.." He smiled an awkward crooked smile as he took another napkin and rid the rest of the blood away from my hand.

I rest my case.

"You're actual the first friend I've made since coming here... Usually I'm not the social type, the one to outwardly ask someone about themselves or something like that. I guess you did that yourself in the odd way you had."

_God.. Why did he have to bring up my moment of weakness?_

"Don't you have any friends that live here? You must if you have an apartment that looks relatively packed. Well, so far that I have seen in the kitchen and living room... Just empty."

"Yeah I do... But both of them are off to college, one in Buffalo and the other in some place I have no clue."

"Wait... So if they are your friends then they would have the same interests as you do, then they must know who I am then, correct?"

As I physically felt my eyes widen, I turned to him. Thoughts actually ran through my mind so fast, it was dizzying because I hadn't been used to it for a while. They had been the ones I leaned on when I fought with the constant weight of lugging around the depression of loving someone fake so... Wouldn't they be happy? No they wouldn't be just happy, they'd be overjoyed.

A smile crept up on my features, making Itachi smile back, "See, there you go. I knew you had a smile hidden somewhere. I wanted to see if I could get one out of you and it just so happens I did~ I feel accomplished." He stopped talking as his phone rang. He sighed under his breath and answered it. "...Yes, I'm just out having coffee with someone right now...Yeah, I'll get to that when I go back to my hotel.. Don't worry, I got it. Of course I'm going to do it.."

I tilted my head. _Could that be his dad...?_

Itachi conversed with the unknown seemingly family member a couple more times and shut the phone, sliding it back into his pocket.

"That was my dad... I have work to do on my computer that he's gonna send me through email and I have to get it done by three and it's two now so... I have to get it done quickly. Following that, I have a lot more to do with papers and it's time consuming..." He sighed and watched the rain start to clear up. When he looked back up to me, he was about to apologize but I nodded.

"It's work, you're expected to do it. I get that... And I'll let you get it done. Who am I to hold you back from it?" I stared up at him, but felt the sadness start to creep back in.

He smiled sadly, "This isn't gonna be our last meeting, you know that right? Of course I'm going to keep finding ways to see you because lets face it, _usually _we both have a lot of time on our hands. I can tell that you do. And while I'm working you get the chance to tell your friends that your 'favorite character' is real, right? I'd love to meet what kind of friends you have... By the way your personality is now, I can also tell that they would be the amazing kind. Whatever that is."

I nodded again and looked down. _But.. I don't want this moment to end just yet..._

Another sigh, but a sad one. "How about I at least walk you home, to make it up to you?"

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**Review for possibly happierness again? maybe. and please. rant to me about how much this is horrific. PLEASE.**

**ITS AWFUL.**


	9. Number

**Haha that was a while... since I last updated this... ha ;u;  
**  
**I'M SO SORRY ;A;**

**BUT ANYWAY, HERE YOU GO.**

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9 – Number

As we walked back to my apartment to drop me off, it was mostly silent. It wasn't awkward, not at all, it was the kind that everyone loves, that comfortable silence. I always hated the unsettling silence though... But with the sound of cars rushing past and the setting of rain, it was nice.

Eventually upon reaching the apartment, we stood on the step in front of my door. I gave an awkward smile, "So... this is goodbye for now?"

Itachi blinked, "I'm going to see you as soon as I'm done, is that okay?"

I nodded and noticed his pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket. Small, crumpled, and blank. What was he planning to do with that? Don't tell me...

"You have a pencil?"

Yep, there it is.

My heart was going to explode if events like this were going to keep continuing. Upon entering the house quickly and grabbing a pen off the counter and rushing back outside, I handed the pen to Itachi. Using the side wall of the outside of my apartment, he scribbled numbers down quickly and handed the pen and paper to me. Hm, the ink was purple. Cool.

I looked up to him with a confused expression. _Why was he doing this again...?_

Itachi smiled, "There, so you get to talk to me if there's ever something wrong, okay? And that way if you ever call or text me, I'll have your number saved in my phone. If that's okay with you, of course."

Bobbing my head up and down in agreement, I took the crumpled piece of paper and held it tightly in my palm. I will definitely not lose this as if my life depended on it. "...Oh I forgot to ask... What kind of work do you do anyway?"

"It's mostly filing through job applications and school stuff, some for colleges too..." Itachi trailed off, seemed troubled by all the work he must have been remembered that he had to be doing. The next moment seemed to be a little more awkward, more that then all the friendliness that has erupted through past conversations. We were both hesitant, not knowing where to take this, both knowing we had to leave each other. I didn't want him to for obvious reasons and well him... he probably didn't want to leave a currently unstable girl alone once he left. "So... call or text me then sometime so I can get the number? I'd prefer that, considering after all I wouldn't want to come here while you're out or something."

"That's true..." a little smile played on my lips. I was finding it more easier to do this around him now, almost natural... Something still felt off however. "And yeah, I will."

Itachi's own smile flashed as he stepped down from the small form of stairs in the front of my apartment, "Guess I'll see you 'till then, right?"

A small laugh escaped my lips and upon realizing what had just happened, quickly covering it with one hand. "Yeah, just go~ You have work to do, I'll be fine." After watching him leave, I felt as if he was more concerned with how I'd handle being alone after meeting someone I've been wishing to be alive for years. However, that was okay.

The first thing I did once I stepped inside was head to my room after taking off all of my outside attire and throwing myself on the bed. Setting the warm paper on the bedside table, I reached for my phone to find more messages and only a couple of calls. Mostly messages asking if I was okay, how things have been, and all of the sort. But really, I just skimmed, anxious to get to the point in telling them of my days events. Surely enough, after receiving a certain text like that, I'm certain I'd get calls here and there from Sarah.

Satisfied with the way I worded everything just right, I laid back the squishy pillows and let out a long sigh. Not out of discomfort or sadness, out of contentment.

A miracle just happened today, and it almost made my chest ache with how beautiful today's events turned out... Impossible yet amazing, and well, apparently possible.

I just don't see how...

And that's when reality finally hit, nearly shattering all my dreams. Maybe he _wasn't_ real like I had hoped. Maybe that's why everyone stared at "us" while we walked into heavily populated areas. Maybe I am going insane... What if I developed a mild form of schizophrenia from all the loneliness I'm seeming to endure? Just to ease the pain of not being with a certain character from someone else's creative mindset just to make their anime any better?

What if this was all my mind's doing?

And just like that, I was in tears again like so many other times today.

I'm getting really pathetic if I hadn't already been many times before.


End file.
